|
|
|
Life Design Ezine
November Issue: What If My Inner Critic Is A Trained Assassin?
|
WHAT IF MY INNER CRITIC IS A TRAINED ASSASSIN?
“We need people in our lives with whom we can be as open as possible. To have real conversation with people may seem like such a simple, obvious suggestion, but it involves courage and risk." ~ Thomas Moore
"Lavish [love] on others, receive it gratefully when it comes to you. Cultivate friendship like a garden. It is the best love of all." ~ Sister Helen Prejean
It's not about "what if?" it's about "what to do when I’m sidelined by my inner critic(s)?" Here are ten things that I do and what I recommend you consider trying:
1. Make a list right now of your favorite five people who love and believe in you and will tell you the truth when you're being ridiculously pessimistic.
2. Keep their phone numbers by the phone and their emails next to your computer (and also saved in your cell phone, if you have one).
3. Use the above phone list or emails at least once a week to stay committed to the tasks that you have promised yourself.
4. Keeping your word to yourself builds self-esteem (integrity) and self-esteem helps you keep going when the going gets rough—when the naysayers/joy-busters in your mind (or life) get louder and meaner.
5. Avoid dream-bashers wherever they may hide. Too many times these are loved ones and family who feel afraid and, perhaps, a bit envious of your courage to "get out there" and risk not being liked by everybody.
6. Do one fun thing a day or writing will feel like a dreadful obligation that doesn't give back…this is a guaranteed obstacle that you can begin to plan for and, more importantly, avoid.
7. Reward yourself every 45 minutes that you are on the job of writing and publishing—have a cup of tea, a walk to the mailbox, a yoga stretch or two, make an appointment for a massage at the end of the week, or keep available frozen grapes and pop 'em in your mouth at various intervals. I've found this to be surprisingly satisfying, etc.
8. If you have trouble taking breaks, drink lots of water or other non-toxic liquids but do avoid alcohol while writing—most writers are orally-fixated and get sloppy and some have even fallen under the tyrant of alcoholism. Booze is often used to “get the juices flowing.” If you doubt this, take a look into the annals of literary history: think of Hemmingway, Faulkner, Capote, Fitzgerald, Sexton, Burroughs, etc.
9. Ask that inner critic what it needs. Say, “I see you and hear you. It sounds like you’re trying to protect me from being vulnerable or humiliated. Please tell me what you want me to know.” Then, like you’re talking to a three-year-old having a tantrum say, “I get that you’re upset and afraid. I totally understand that you want what you want NOW! And, today, we’re going to go home and make lunch together instead. I promise, you’ll feel so much better.” Get practice and watch what happens.
10. Commit to a good night's sleep—learn to hypnotize yourself or do a body scan, if that's what it takes. The reason to do this is that not only does it feel good for your whole body. It truly helps the creative juices flow.
What are some things you do to arrest that inner critic?
|
|
|
I COULDA BEEN SOMEBODY!
Terry Malloy, a former middle-weight boxer, (played by Marlon Brando), speaks to his brother, Charlie, in the back of their car in the 1950s movie, On the Water Front, it is clear that his reflections express regrets for not taking more risks during the first half of life.
|
Sep 1, 2009
|
GETTING REAL
When you're self-disclosing, you're less apt to get caught up in illusion of control. After all, "Motive = self-expression," not trying to change others. Being vulnerable with people makes you less likely to trigger their defensive reaction(s). Going public helps you see yourself more honestly.
|
Aug 1, 2009
|
WHICH DISNEY CHARACTER ARE YOU?
When you take these little quizzes on Facebook, they can be one way, a harmless way, to “get out there.” As Opera Diva Beverly Sills warns us, “You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try.”
|
Jul 1, 2009
|
ACKNOWLEDGE AND INSPIRE!
How often do you celebrate progress made in any of your endeavors? Most of us claim that it’s easier to say, “Thank you!” to a police officer who has just given us a speeding ticket than to acknowledge our own strengths or past successes.
|
Jun 1, 2009
|
BREATHING (NOT STUFFING) EMOTIONS
No need to rush out of uncomfortable feelings into anesthetizing with food, alcohol, spending, or hyper-fixating on the problems of others to find relief from an anxious mind. We can go into the feeling and witness its transience.
|
May 1, 2009
|
MAKING TIME WHEN NONE CAN BE FOUND
Little by little, I realize that nobody ever finds time—time is not lost. Time is actually related to the word “tide” (in Old English “tima”). It’s not a thing, but something that we experience with our senses. Time is something that we carve out of the rocky schedule or impenetrable wall of activity in which we live.
|
Apr 1, 2009
|
WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW?
Making a decision about “what’s next?” means taking a good look at our own passions, values and life circumstances. Factoring in both our authentic dreams and our realities (and keeping in mind that this first choice won’t necessarily dictate the entire course of our lives) will help us figure out how we want to spend our time and what will help us feel engaged and nourished in the near future. No matter what, clarifying our consciously chosen path is a legitimate part of our ongoing education regarding our life’s particular purpose. As the Taoist immortal Lao Tsu says, “Knowing others is wisdom, knowing ourselves is Enlightenment.”
|
Mar 1, 2009
|
BECOME VISIBLE THROUGH E-PUBLISHING TIP SHEETS
Get visible through publishing an online article or tip sheet. There are 77,000 journals and magazines in hard-cover and probably 10 times that many online. Keep fishing and you will be published!
|
Feb 1, 2009
|
SETTING INTENTIONS VS. NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS
So much has been written in the last hundred years regarding the power of positive thinking, or the magic of thoughts, or the "fundamental law" or "secrets of attraction"--all of these thought to be something over which humans have control via cognitive techniques.
|
Jan 1, 2009
|
DO YOU BELIEVE YOU SHAPE YOUR FUTURE?
"Creating Your Own Destiny: How to Get Exactly What You Want Out of Life," written by Patrick Snow, is my favorite self-improvement book this year. Such praise proffered is saying a great deal because my blog, "Helpful
Books," reflects my very choosy appetite.
|
Dec 1, 2008
|
STEERING BY STARLIGHT
My readers may have heard of best-selling author Martha Beck through her advice column in "Oprah Magazine" or through her many books: "Expecting Adam," "The Joy Diet," "Leaving the Saints," "Finding Your North Star," or" Four Day Win"–all available at my favorite independent bookstore Powell’s Books. "Psychology Today," "NPR" and "USA Today" consider Martha “the best known Life Coach in America.” Beck is a very straightforward writer who believes each person has an “inner-compass” and has available to them “limitless possibilities” to help them locate their “just right” lives.
|
Nov 1, 2008
|
CULTIVATING CALM AMIDST THE STORM
I try to practice what I call, The Four A's: Awakeness, Awareness, Acceptance and Acting skillfully (these are attitudes to which I aspire--something I do totally imperfectly).
|
Oct 1, 2008
|
CULTIVATE YOUR INTUITION (a Radio Show)
This month's Ezine is meant to help you authorize your intuition and design your life. By listening to this interview with Jennifer Manlowe (conducted by "Directed Focus" Radio Show founder, David Zarza) you'll see what you can create when you cultivate clarity.
|
Sep 3, 2008
|
MINDFULNESS MEDITATION, WHY BOTHER?
Breathing mindfully is like listening to waves on an ocean, something to which we are always available to attend. This practice takes practice. It’s like training a skittish, stray cat to “stay still” and trust that today will take care of itself.
|
Aug 1, 2008
|
I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN
You can commit to broader understanding of others and yourself and learn to be more adaptable, more capable of successful intimacy. When you understand each of the four styles, how to recognize them in others, and how to adapt to them in key ways, you can have greater ease in almost any interpersonal situation.
|
Jul 1, 2008
|
SO YOU WANT TO WRITE YOUR FIRST BOOK..
“When I start a book, I always think it’s patently absurd that I can write one. No one, certainly not me, can write a book 500 pages long. But I know I can write 15 pages, and if I write 15 pages every day, eventually I will have 500 of them.” ~ John Saul
|
Jun 1, 2008
|
CAREER SATISFACTION IS UP TO ME
Will you have more work satisfaction in 5 years, 10 years, or 25 years from now? Do you know? Do you have an idea how that will happen? Have you ever dreamed about it or set a goal for acts you can take that will lead to greater professional contentment? Are you willing to take responsibility and recognize that, “connecting to contentment is up to you?"
|
May 1, 2008
|
TEN TOOLS FOR LASTING SUCCESS
The essential tools for creating the life we want are our thoughts, attitudes, and emotions…and that’s not a secret—or the secret—kept from the rest of us. Successful people know the tricks for lasting fulfillment, whether they are poets, painters, lawyers, artists, teachers, entrepreneurs or full-time parents working at home. It doesn’t matter whether you believe these Ten Tools are ancient or modern, new or old, true or false; just be open to testing their principles. Be a scientist and a skeptic, experiment!
|
Apr 1, 2008
|
WHY HAVE A DREAM?
“...In spite of the difficulties of the moment, I still have a dream.” ~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
|
Mar 1, 2008
|
|
|
Share
NOTE: I will use your information only to contact you about services and inspirational newsletters. Please know that you can ask me not to contact you again at anytime.
Please see and comment on my new blog: Helpful Books
To make contact, phone: (206) 617-8832 or email: jlmanlowe@comcast.net
RETURN TO HOME PAGE
|
|
|
