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Life Design Ezine>
ARE YOU ALL YOU THINK ABOUT?
April 1, 2010
“The fundamental problem is not out there, we are told, but egocentricity—the mistaken belief that the ego is the center of one’s being. The cause of our suffering, our sense of isolation, fear and anger at life, grows out of our egocentricity.”—Philip Z.
"I feel like a worthless piece of crap but I'm all I think about." ~ Anonymous
Why do so many contemplatives—reflective types—that I admire seem to emphasize the truism that comes from self-forgetting? What Daoists call wu-wei (unselfconscious or action-less action)? Often, self-forgetting is sought through meditation, chanting or contemplating on one's sense experiences as they arise. This rigorous, clarity-fostering focus, meant to settle down the murky mind, is the kind of attention that children give when they are in the throes of their imagination-in-play.
Why is such concentration so elusive to most adults? Whether it's money, love, personal achievements or the successes of our loved ones, so many of us are preoccupied with wondering and worrying about “how we’re doing?” We rarely take time to just wonder, let alone be with our lives, our world around us.
Others of us feel tremendous lack when we reflect in any way. We keep unrelentingly busy ("productive") instead and, ironically, become the tragic foil for a soulless life... producing what poet Wendell Berry calls, "a perfect consumer."
Some of us are busy trying to "get it right" or to improve ourselves; we talk and talk about ourselves, our kids, our business vision and our projects, (projections of ourselves in the world). We don’t even know we’re doing all of this, completely disconnected to our world around us, all in an effort to find something stable on which to stand…as if such a search could produce "the diamond in the rough" we seek. So many of us want "solid" identities (even job security) in which we can feel safe, and yet, that very framework – dependence upon securing certainty – betrays the pivot upon so much of the very same suffering from which we seek relief.
What if we could cultivate a fuller perspective precisely by letting go of the quest for finding a solid object that is called self? More radically, what if we could see the mirage as a mirage that is called "improving our self-esteem"? What if we could be unselfconsciously engaged in whatever we were doing with wonder and let go of wondering "how we're doing"?
What children seem to do is concentrate with full attention and let their focused passion direct them. They rarely theologize or philosophize about the source of their inspiration; they, very simply, surrender to their imagination. They wordlessly-trust that satisfaction comes as they love the game.
Roman Catholic student of Zen Buddhism, Thomas Merton, writes, “What in God might appear to us as ‘play’ is perhaps what God takes most seriously. When we are alone on a starlit night; when by chance we see a flock of migrating birds; when we see children in a moment when they are really children; when we know love in our own hearts, when like the Japanese poet Basho says, 'we hear an old frog land in a quiet pond with a solitary splash'—such times provide a glimpse of the cosmic dance.”
Many mystics advise us to forget ourselves on purpose, cast-aside our solemnity to join in this playful dance. So long as we understand that the narcissistic (ego-self and the roles we play) is only a part of who we are and not all that we are, we can develop a curious and flexible ego. However, when we identify exclusively with our projected ego — just one temporary role or defense among many — we become disconnected from a deeper, more powerful aspect of ourselves. This other aspect can be more encompassing, though often a less conscious part. By connecting with this larger aspect of ourselves, our awareness, we discover what Buddhists call "our true nature" or what Socrates called his "Divine Sign." We realize that, yes, we have an ego (self concerns, schticks and neuroses), but we are not the ego.
Making This Practice My Own:
The next time you want something simple, say another cup of coffee/latte, take a few minutes to notice where the desire resides. Pay attention without judgment to the sensations in your body while following your breath. Do you still want it?
Choose an object without which you think you can’t possibly live. Put it in a closet, the garage, attic or basement for one week. Unless it was your iPhone (LOL), did you miss it? After a couple of days, did you notice it wasn’t there?
Do you have the habit of becoming furious with someone in particular? Next time these feelings arise, before you act, make a list of all the annoying qualities the person has, then make a check mark next to each negative trait that you also share. Next, write down the person's admirable qualities. Make a check mark next to those you have. Can you find some common ground?
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The above essay by Jennifer Manlowe is "lifted" from her book Loving Life as It Is, which can be ordered here.
Because I like all things philosophical and psychological, I write about these kinds of reflections. What do you like to write about? Are you sharing these thoughts and felt experiences with others? If you want to, please schedule a sample session – a complimentary 30" discussion of what we might create together to get your voice out and into the world
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